Pain of the Aftermath

Will you find what you want
Will it be what you need

Will you get a taste of it and lose it again
Will you feel the pleasure for one sweet moment
And drown in the pain of the aftermath

Is this your life
Are you destined to fail
Are you destined to be incomplete
Alone in your feat

It teases you, gives you a sliver of hope
This time things will be different
This time things will work

You tell yourself this every time
But it never works

It makes your insides cold and empty
You feel damaged, used, and abused

Your days are blue and your nights are black
Your taking the risks but never getting shit back

This is your life
You are destined to fail
You are destined to be incomplete
You will be alone

Every Word A Lie

She said she loved me
She said she would always be here

but now I lay in this empty bed
Feeling the coldness of the sheets
Going damp from my tears

Feeling completely alone
She is moving on
And I am holding on

The memories like a whirlwind inside my head
The lies she said

I believed every word
Like thread it sewed my mouth shut
And I was speechless
Taken by her

Defeated
She took everything

What it's like living in my head...

I overthink way too much

I can’t overlook things

I can’t explain how this feels

And all I keep going back to is that I mean nothing

I fear rejection

I fear not being good enough

I fear that in the end you will hate me

You will throw me away like everyone else

And I just don’t understand why I can’t just go with the flow

Why can’t I just be happy?

I sabotage myself

All my plans turn to dust

I wish I could tell you how it feels

I wish I could stop the inevitable

But I am afraid I’ll mess this up again

Because it’s never been perfect

And it always breaks

I am afraid the problem has always been me

I am afraid I am not capable of love

The Pain of an Alpha

It's all a dream
This pain it can't be real

You close your eyes
You try not to feel

Everyone around you gets hurt
Everyone you love you disapoint

Your spiraling down
You can't handle it

The claws come out
The rage takes over

It's all you have left
The anger

You cling to it
You fight through it

Even when you have nothing left
In the face of betrayal

In the face of death

Regardless of the consequences
You do what you have to

And in the end you hope it was worth it 

Monster

I can taste the blood

I can feel the pain

I can smell your fear

Your shaking under my touch
Your afraid

You see me as a monster
You see me as a beast

I can't calm you
I can't control it

I break the skin
and you see what I've become

 I don"t blame you for running away

I am a monster...

look at the animal I’ve become

anger and sadness have taken control

its too late....for me now

Always questions, but no answers...

Could I have a problem?

Could I be in denial?

I don't feel diseased
I don't feel depressed


Mood swings
Sleepless nights

Should I seek help
like you keep telling me

Will it make me look weak?
Have I already lost my mind?

Is it wrong to be this obsessive?
Is it wrong to be this adhesive?

Why do you think I can't control this on my own?
Haven't I made it this far?

I try so hard to be good enough...
to do the right things
but still is there something missing?

Can't I just stay this way?
Why do I have to change?

I don't feel like talking to this stranger
I don't want this medication

I thought I was alright
I thought I was okay

but now I don't know anymore

Can you clear this up for me?
And can you look at yourself critically when the mirror is pointed back at you?

Battle of Lies and Truths

I can’t let my guard down

I can’t trust

I’ve become broken

I want to believe every word you say

But this wall I’ve build keeps getting in the way

I am damaged in more ways than one

I’ve been lied to so much

It’s hard to believe this now

It’s sad when the only one you can trust is yourself

It used to be so easy to let people in

But now these doors are locked

I can’t see your demons all I see is the good in you

So when you use me, it hurts

So when you lie, it makes me die inside

So when you say you love me…I doubt it

I rip myself apart inside

I tell myself every word you say is a lie

But that spark of hope damns me

It tells me to believe

Is this chance worth the pain

I hope so…