I need to sort my life out, mate

I've never actually use this for blogging but I guess there's a first time for everything. I'm here again contemplating life and what the hell am I doing with it.  I mean here I am on a Friday night in pajamas rocking a sassy man bun eating valentine's day candy.  I'm 30 years old and I still act like I am 12. I'm currently working a job I fucking hate and I suppose that's my own fault, but fucking I have dreams like everyone. I never expected to be this useless, I thought I was gonna be fucking the next top chef. I want so much more for myself but I don't have any idea how to get there. I could go to school but I would surely get my car repoed because this broke bitch could not afford the car payment on a part time job, but in all honesty it is an option. Currently I am not happy were I am and with who I am. I wanted so much more for myself. I don't want to end up just going through life by the skin of my teeth. I feel like my liveliness is fading, I feel like I'm losing myself to this fucked up place we live in. I want to write, I want to cook, I want to make art, I want to travel and I fear if I don't fucking put my foot out there I am going to loose my chance. I wish I knew I would end up this way, maybe I would've worked harder or started sooner. I need a sign, I need a push. Can I make this life into a fantasy or will it stay a tragedy? I need to sort my life out, mate.