I Am A Master of Deception

I have this weight

It sits heavy on my chest

I can't see it

But I can feel it

It makes it hard to move

It makes it hard to breath 

It makes me feel as if I am deserving of this

This constant pain in my chest

I can't stop

Even though I want to crawl in bed and hide

Where's my drive?

I am a master of deception

That smile on my face looks so real

I do the shit I have to do and then I fall apart

I wish I could pause the world

Crumble in the blankets for a few weeks

Suffocate in the sheets

Close my eyes and sleep

I am so tired

Let's pretend I'm strong enough 

Maybe we fake it until we make it

I Can't Help It...

I know I am irrational sometimes
I know I am hard to handle
I know I yell
I know I scream

I do these things because I need you
I need more from you

Care for me
Connect with me
Comfort me

I feel to much
I hold it in
I am oversensitive
I can't help that

I share how I feel
so you can see what's real

You may think I am overreacting
You may think I can just shut it off

I can't
Sometimes I wish I could
It's exhausting, feeling everything

Sitting in this place
Hating to be alone
Crying

Most days I am ok
But today....

Today is not a good day.