Battle of Lies and Truths

I can’t let my guard down

I can’t trust

I’ve become broken

I want to believe every word you say

But this wall I’ve build keeps getting in the way

I am damaged in more ways than one

I’ve been lied to so much

It’s hard to believe this now

It’s sad when the only one you can trust is yourself

It used to be so easy to let people in

But now these doors are locked

I can’t see your demons all I see is the good in you

So when you use me, it hurts

So when you lie, it makes me die inside

So when you say you love me…I doubt it

I rip myself apart inside

I tell myself every word you say is a lie

But that spark of hope damns me

It tells me to believe

Is this chance worth the pain

I hope so…

Waiting for the crash...

There's a hole where his heart use to be
He is afraid to feel
He pushes so hard to fill this void
But nothing seems to work

This hole is never ending
it seems as if it gets bigger and bigger everyday
He fears it will swallow and drown him one day

His tears silent and slow
Trickle down his face
He feels useless now

For hours he stares at the ceiling
Looking for something
Anything
Maybe
Someone
He is never quite sure

He lays there
But sleep never comes
Over time the only thing
He feels is the pool of tears
His face is drowning in....

Nights turn to day
And the battle with himself
Seems to rage on

He waits for his body to crash
Only then can he sleep
Dreamless

This cycle begins again
So he sits and waits for the crash
Maybe he can get some sleep tonight....
Maybe if only he would stop thinking....of...you

Somethings are meant to be broken

You have no idea what I feel
What I see
What I am...

I could tell you lies
I could tell you I am perfect
I could tell you I am all you need

But we both know I am no good for you
Or anyone

I am toxic
I am weak and I will surely let you down
Just give me the time and I'll show you

I was never worth this fight
I was never worth your time
Or your tears

I walk this path alone
Not because I want to
But because I have to

Don't touch me
I'll surely burn your skin
For I am damned

Don't pity me
I was born into this
I was made for this disappointment

So turn away and continue what you were saying
And I promise I'll pretend to listen
And push my problems deeper and deeper

No No its ok I can solve this I promise
I can fix everything...except myself

Somethings are just meant to be broken

Tut Tut it looks like rain

When everything is alright
When everything is ok
I still feel this way

Out of control
Alone
Hopeless

The feeling of guilt settles in my stomach
Just when I want to let it go
Just when I want to be happy
it rises to my throat
Suffocating me

I can't explain the pain
I can't explain the feeling

It's like it's raining in my head
And everything is dark and cold

Why am I so broken?
Why can't I be fixed?