Black is all i see in front and behind me...

My mood changes like the colors of the sunset

Slowly everything turns to black
All the hope for the day has died

I put that smile on and try to break through
But there is always a snag in my smile
That hint of denial

I try to be good enough
I try to make you see but you can’t
And it’s killing me

I taste defeat in everything before it
Even begins

Hope is wearing thin
You throw me those words that make me stay
That makes my mind wonder beyond reality
That makes me sleep longer in the day just to see you in my dreams

Making you smile is all i want and it seems pointless now
 Because i am afraid you'll never love me

I am afraid you will forever be stuck in the past
And I’ll be lost forever

All i see is black....

Can I Find A Place Where the Sun Always Shines and the Water Always Sparkles...

Clearing my mind again
Fearing my innocents
Tasting my lifeless breath

Knowing I am nothing more than just someone waiting at your door
Holding a flower that's withered away
 Kissing the bruises that fell on you today

Hoping there's something more than just this hate and jealousy inside
 Wanting to hide away my emotions so you don't see the day I lose myself

Feeling so broken I just want to run but here I stand holding on to another day
 Clutching my heart as it slowly fades away

Here I am broken down but I am doing just fine.
 Here I am, I am okay I'll live at least for another day
Kiss my sorrow away

Regrets are likely to come
Hope is likely to fail and death will eventually prevail
But I hold my faith for a little longer my faith to see the day I am free

Headaches and Heartaches

Let’s pour this soul on to the page

Let’s drench this paper with my insides

Can you see my worth, can you feel the emotion?

This is who I am and I know I’ll never change

I have flaws and imperfections

My brain, is my worst enemy

I over think things all the time

Headaches and Heartaches

Are the norm

Sometimes I think I thrive on the pain

It’s my cushion of constant

It is always there in the back of my mind

Maybe I find comfort in it

Because you know I always hope for the worst

So leave me because this is my curse

What is beautiful?

What is beautiful?...

It's a sad road when you find out

You didn't mean as much as you thought you did

It's a sad thought when you're not wanted anymore

Tossed aside like trash

I escape to my dreams

I close my eyes

In this world I mean everything

In this world I am wonderful

It makes you want to sleep all day

Never waking to this cruel reality

Where looks are everything

but no matter how hard you try

you know you will never be

like the cover of a magazine

Where generosity and compassion

gets thrown to the curb

I want to be beautiful

but as much as I am trying to change the outside

it's hard to know if you will ever see the inside

You won’t apologize and I won’t back down

You enter the room

Pull the chair from the table and take a seat

You’re angry

I can see the hate rising in your eyes

I sink to the ground

Crumpled and broken

I’ve let you down this time

But I can’t let you win

I thought I could protect you

I thought I could make you see

But all the hate has masked your love for me

You won’t apologize and I won’t back down

Not this time

You say you miss me

You say you care

But all you cause is despair

You’re unhappy and all alone

While I live my life on my own.

And these eyes can never see the picture you've painted of me...

Pushing for perfection
Pulling for what you think beauty might be

Looking in the mirror
The refection surely is not your own

Nothing works
Everything feels broken

This smile to fake to be real
And these eyes can never see
The picture you've painted of me

I stand there staring....
All I see are my scars, and imperfections

I am trying to change
I am trying to see what you see in me

Most times I wanna hide in the shadows
Darkness it surrounds me
And hides my face

If I am so beautiful, why can't I bare to look at myself
but that's not fair is it...because I criticize myself more then anyone..don't I?

All I wanted was you...

His brown eyes staring
His lips parted and daring

His tongue dancing behind his teeth
He wants me

He says the things I want to hear
He speaks softly in my ear
Making me fully aware
Of his intentions

My face turns red
My voice catches in my throat

His kiss is soft but passionate
and it lingers on my lips

I beg for more
I ache for him

He can't control himself
He takes me

Worlds collide
intensity rises
emotions rushing
they become one

Tasting, touching, feeling
baring it all
that heat of passion
pulling at his heart strings

All I wanted was you...
He whispers to me