You deserve HELL...

There’s a sadness that i seem to carry
Like needles stuck in the skin
So deep I can't seem to pull them free

It follows me like a shadow
Always there
Holding me captive

It helps me feel
Useless
Weak and worthless

It helps me be pessimistic
and angry

I try to hold it in
So tight....it suffocates me

My sadness.....your gift to me
Oh how thoughtful
You really shouldn’t have

My sadness
My anger
My hate....all for you

You deserve more pain then you will ever feel
You deserve to suffer
YOU deserve hell

I hate you so much....but I will never get to tell you
Who knows where you are now

Just so you know you've fucked up my life and my heart

So here i am
And here I’ll be to deal with this mess you left me...

Who saves who?

I see you

I see the pain you hide behind your eyes

I see the sorrow you hold onto

I hold my hand out to you

I pull you into a sweet embrace

You begin to cry

I know it’s the release you’ve been waiting for

I close my eyes

I try to push all your problems away

I tell you things will get better

I tell you things will be ok

And deep inside you believe me

Because things have to get better

And you have to be strong

Because it’s not me who saves you

It’s you who saves me…

It's Always Raining In My Head

It's raining again
The water flows down my face
Off my hands

The chill sets in as it soaks my clothes
But yet I still stand there letting it cleanse me
Wash away the emptiness
Wash away the regret

In that moment I am at peace
I listen to each drop as it falls to the ground
I feel the mud in between my toes
All is well

 I only wish I had someone to share the rain with
Someone to hold me as we fight for warmth
I close my eyes and imagine a hand to hold
Imagine the laughter there would be

I smile and open my eyes
No one is there next to me
No one to share this beautiful scene with

No matter how hard I try sadness always seems to drown me
And this is what I am stuck with whenever it rains
Cleansing, peace, and loneliness my inner beast.  

I'm So Heavy

I’m wishing to be alone tonight

I’m wishing to shut the world out

Shut it down

I can’t take much more

I’ve broken the skin

I’ve taken the pain in

Screaming, lashing out

No one notices

No one cares

If I bleed, I bleed

If I cry, I cry

If I die, I die

Mentally exhausted

Rejected

Alone

Maybe there’s no making it now

Tired of trying

I’m not okay

 I look in the mirror and I hate myself

What I’ve become

What I’ve done

Sometimes when I go to sleep

I hope I don’t wake up

It ends when I can’t take it anymore

Breath in this disease

Breath in this disease

It’s what you’ve always wanted

Something to complain about

Everything I say is nothing

Compared to what you have to say

Do you even listen?

Do you even think of me….Do you think of anyone besides yourself?

Does it hurt to actually give a damn, to ask me how I am and actually

Listen to my answer.

I know it’s a lot to ask when your problems seem so big

But you’re not above my emotions, they crash down and never seem to wake when your around

I’m done for now i can’t force myself to breath

 I’m up and down you don't know the pain in me

 I look around and where are you?

You’ve got me now